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You might be an engineer if ...
...you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
...in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
...the sales people at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions.
...at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
...you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
...you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.
...you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
...you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.
...you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
...you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
...you know what http:// stands for.
...you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together.
...you see a good design and still have to change it.
...you spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
...you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
...you think that all the people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
...you window shop at Radio Shack.
...your laptop computer costs more than your car.
...your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
...you've already calculated how much you make per second.
...you've tried to repair a $5 radio.
Q: What is the definition of an engineer?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't
understand.
Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When they realize they don't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.
Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie them to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the
wrong way.
Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly,
"Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied,"Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Comprehending Engineers - Take Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical.
After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines.
They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
Very reluctantly, the engineer took on the challenge.
He spent an entire day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is."
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark: $1.00
Spending a lifetime working hard to know where to put the chalk marks: $49,999.00
Comprehending Engineers - Take Five
What is the difference between Aerospace Engineers and Structural Engineers?
Aerospace Engineers build missiles, Structural Engineers build targets.
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